Big Cute Beach Girl

On vacation that should have gotten them an ass whopping….

** Kendall poking Kenny in the jaw - Okay, Kenny had the privilege of sitting next to Kendall during the ride and every time he would fall asleep, Kendall would poke him in the jaw with three of his little digits hard enough to scare the be Jesus out to Kenny. I think his butt scrunched up a couple times.
** Chandler answering "No." – It got to a point where every time Kendall would call his name, Chandler would just say, "No."
** Beating each other down to be the first to push the damn floor button on the elevator – I mean how much pleasure can one person get from pushing that fucking button? I mean do they aspire to doormen?
** Chandler being on high alert so that Kendall could not ‘copy’ him – He made sure to order this drink with a whisper to our waitress so that Kendall couldn’t ‘copy’ him. Then I wanted to beat my child for even caring that someone thought enough of them to want to copy them. He didn't get it.
** Kendall nearly falling off the eighth floor balcony – Okay, this didn’t really happen but, Joni went next door for something and we were all in the kitchen when we hear one of the balcony chairs hit the glass door. Now in my head, Kendall had gotten his punk 5 year old ass up in that chair, leaned over the side, and had fallen to his child death which resulted in my screaming his name at the top of my lungs. This child came back in that door with a ‘what the fuck are you screaming my name for lady?’ look on his face. Then I yelled at him that Kenny ask him not to go out on the balcony alone but he ‘wanted to’ was how he put it.
** Chandler throwing a bitch girl fit – Kendall had accidentally erased the memory on one of Chandlers DS games and you would have thought that he caught dude sleeping with his woman. Okay? The world will never be the same now that that game has been erased. Lord have mercy, glory be.
** Kendall giggling like Ernie from Sesame Street – Okay, about a mile from the house on the way home, I realized that Mom and Kenny didn’t bring their key sets with them, so our house key was with Tanya at work in Nashville. So I called her and we had to unload the hooptie van in from of our house and wait. When Kendall saw how upset we all were he decided to go into an Ernie giggle fit and then absolutely refused to stop laughing. Then some neighbor kid came by to ask if we were having a yard sale, in his defense I did have a eight foot Christmas tree sitting out there that I picked up at someones sale at the beach.
** Kendall not saying ‘I’m sorry’ – Okay, he said something really crazy to me in my bathroom but when his mom ask if he’d said, "I’m sorry." His reply was, "I did in my heart, but she didn’t hear it." Then this lead to Kendall and I having a 30 minute argument over that fact that he has to say the words out loud for it to count. It ended with me sitting him in front of me and saying, "Do not let any other words exit your face other than the words, "I’m sorry." This took several attempts but he finally got it right.
** Them competing for the ‘best’ title of fucking everything. – I mean who cares who can walk faster, or pee faster, or run faster, or eat a hot dog the quickest, or who's feet smell better, or who can find the most shells, or dig the deepest hole. I was right before digging the deepest hole and putting both their trifling baby asses in it. Then just acting like they came up missing.
** Them running amok on the beach during our first beach family photo – It was like the sand was kiddie crack and these two were addicts from way back. They freaking took off running and falling over in the sand which resulted in Kendall filling his hair full of sand. And he's got black people hair so it sticks.
** Kendall taking his fist and cold cocking Chandler in his wedding tackle – Omg, I saw this happening but it was like it was in slow motion and I couldn’t stop it before the blunt force trauma to my child’s pebbles happened. Chandler feel over, then once he regained his composure, jumped up, screamed, "He is evil and I hate him!", then tried to take off up the boardwalk back to the condo. Um, I had to stop him by saying but I didn’t get my family beach photo yet. Priorities people. Photos trump balls any day.
** Chandler finding his brute strength and hurling Kendall down the beach – About five minutes after the ball incident we were standing out on the beach talking to a couple and we see Kendall literally go falling past us through the air and landing on his shoulder. I mean he flew by so fast that Joni’s hair moved. Okay? Turn about is fair play I guess…
** Kendall commenting that the van smelled like old people. - I tried to ignore the comment in hopes that no one heard it, but it was too late. My mom had already heard it with her super bionic old people ears. I'm not sure what he was smelling cause I sniffed her up and down and I didn't smell any Rose Milk lotion or Ben Gay. She smells pretty normal to me.